Monthly Archives: January 2009

I wanted to take a few minutes and introduce myself to the site. I will be here to help The Taco Master, Paco, with lots of taco content and taco related fun. My name is noyen. My name is nairb. Some will call me brian. I will be whoever you want me to be. Sometimes, i am someone else entirely. Sometimes, i feel like a lion chasing a butterfly.

Some of the things to look forward to in the taco future are:

The Virgin Taco Stand Experience – Only taco stand virgins need apply. We’ll hold drawings periodically to take a random being out to a taco stand of our choosing, documenting your every thought, movement and possible bowel-movement. But let’s throw that pre-conception out the window. Street tacos will not make you any more prone to getting sick or food borne illness than anything else! Someone would have to blast one off in your mouth with a slap of day old raw chicken carcass for you to get sick. In fact, taco stands in Salt Lake City generally have far cleaner food inspection reports than chain food establishments, because they are under such scrutiny. It is an injustice to hassle our street taco gods. Sure, there is violence associated to them in the media. The media are not worthy of addressing. We’re not that stupid. Anyway. TACOS! I LOVE THEM. I think you should too.

Band vs Taco – Here we will team up with local, national, and international bands and take them out for a taco and a good talking to about the first single off their new album(s), but more importantly; do they like tacos? Before i support a band, i need to know how they feel about tacos. Here, we will help you make an informed decision on how you have nocturnal emissions about. Hopefully during the upcoming Sundance festival we will have some interesting names and faces appearing at taco stands throughout the valley. If you are in a band, an artist, a business owner, or a taco lover, send us a shout and we’ll work things out! You can even buy us tacos, because the economy has hit us pretty hard and i havent been able to afford a taco a day. Times is rough. Let’s all share.

Taco Flash Mobs – Look for these coming in the spring! These have happened in the past have been a hit. Small in size, yes. Ambitous? That was the point. Many friends were made, and babies were born under the Taco Moon. And many more taco babes shall be shat forth into humanity.

As for my formal introduction, i was born in the year of the taco, 1976, in a small town called Topeka, which almost sounds like Taco Eeka! Located in a very flat state, much like an uncooked tortilla, Kansas feared me and my carnal desires for tacos, and quickly ejected me to Germany, where not a taco was to be found. Only sausage. And i wanted no part of this sausage festival. I wandered aimlessly through life, passing through countries such as Japan and Canada. Not a taco was to be found. Only eskimos holding crepes and filled with chef boyardee like substances to be passed off as tacos. These were not tacos. I was not fooled.

17 years passed. I found myself confronting two fates. 7 years in a jail cell in Tokyo, Japan (charged with seeking the taco without a license) or a free ticket to Salt Lake City. I chose the free ticket to Salt Lake City. It took me a few years to say “This is the Place”, but it happened. It happened just like it does in the movies. I was down on my luck, had no money, and my girlfriend was cheating on me with a gay dude. I was shooting heroin and sleeping on hardwood floors. Then, out of the blue, a kind man named Paco, dressed in fancy robes and cloths, frolicking down the street, passed me by and i just got up and followed him. Just like Forrest Gump. Just like that full on retard moment. He pranced and cartwheeled for many miles until reaching a strange place i had never seen before; a taco stand on state street. And not just one, but many. And there was music, and sights, and smells. Oh, the joy. Oh, the heaven. I am still chasing that high.

I will save the play by play chews and swallows for a later article, but let me tell you. My balls danced. My ass got into the mix. It was a pornographic taco party in my mouth. Ever since, as i just said, i have been chasing the taco. Loving the taco. Trying to wrastle that crazy taco into submission. To hold it’s magic in my hands just a little bit longer. Just long enough that i can feel it in my soul. Long enough that i don’t just swallow it whole and ignore it’s simple, complex beauty.

So, here i am. Here to write poetry to the taco. To spread the good word. To get you off your ass and not just walking, but running to the street taco stand nearest you. Inspired. Invigorated. Passionate. 2009 is the year of the taco. We have the technology. We can do this.